Piece Of His Soul by Robyn B.

Word Count 4,811

I don’t own Lancer or the characters of the TV show.  I am not gaining any monetary rewards.  I just, on occasion, like to take them out for a gallop round the ranch.

There are some portions of this story which have a warning for strong adult content. Therefore, this story will have an R rating.  If this kind of story isn’t your cup of tea, read at your own risk….you have been warned.

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I was running down the sidewalk and I skidded to a halt.  I looked into the street and my heart stopped.

I saw Johnny in the street facing off with a man I didn’t know. I heard Johnny trying to talk him out of the gun fight, and in my heart I knew it wouldn’t work.

I started to move forward, and I was held from behind.  Scott held me from moving forward and he hissed in my ear, ” Don’t Katie.  You will only distract Johnny.  He’s done this before and he knows what he’s doing.  Just be quiet.  Please! “

I saw Johnny lower his head in quiet defeat, and when he looked up, I saw Johnny Madrid.  He took his stance, left hip lower than his right and his hand hovering above the grip of his colt.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and I longed to be by Johnny’s side, but Scott’s grip on my arms was too strong.  I knew Johnny was waiting for that sign he always told me about.

I heard the gasp from behind me, and I knew Scott saw the sign Johnny did.  Johnny drew and fired.  The sound of his colt was deafening.  My eyes were closed and my heart felt like it stopped.

I felt the grip on my arms loosen and then I saw Scott bolting towards his brother.  Johnny stood stock still, his gun still held forward and his head was bowed.  Scott gently touched his brother’s arm and softly said, ” Johnny.  It’s Scott.  Are you okay?”

I watched as Johnny lowered his arm and he quietly asked ogf his brother, “Is he dead Scott?”

Scott gently patted Johnny’s shoulder and he said, ” Yes brother.  Dead center of his heart.  He was dead even before he knew it.  Come on.  Let’s get you taken care of.”

Scott helped Johnny to reholster his colt, and then he gently steered him towards me.  Johnny stood in front of me, his head still bowed.  I reached my hand up to Johnny’s cheek and as I gently caressed him, I felt him lean into my touch.

Johnny’s blue eyes remained closed until I gently said,  “Johnny, you tried to talk him from that path.  He was set on drawing on you.  Please, please don’t blame your past.  It was his choice to draw.”

As I watched Johnny’s beautiful sapphire eyes open, I saw a sadness I hated to see.  Every time some idiot was set on calling Johnny out and ended up dying, Johnny took that sadness into his soul.  I hated that they wouldn’t let him be.

I lifted my eyes to Scott for help, but he was as puzzled as I was.

” Johnny, let’s go home.  I have something wonderful to tell you, and I don’t want to do it in Morro Coyo. “

Johnny slowly turned to the wagon filled with supplies, and  gently lifted me up to the seat.  Johnny looked up at me for a few minutes longer and I saw something flicker into his eyes.  It was gone instantly, but I knew I had seen it.

Johnny got up into the wagon next to me and Scott mounted his horse.  We headed back to Lancer and I held my hands in my lap, twisting my fingers around.  I wanted to say something, be there for Johnny, but I didn’t know what to do.

Johnny was more drawn into himself this time, and I began to worry.  I lifted my eyes to search Johnny’s eyes a few times, but he kept his eyes lowered.  Finally, I reached over and pulled the reins back and the team slowed.

Johnny turned to me, questions filling his eyes.  I dropped the reins and then turned towards Johnny.  I lifted my hands to cup Johnny’s cheeks.  Johnny’s deep blue eyes, filled with his soul destroying sadness began to lower and I softly said, ” Don’t Johnny!  Don’t shut this all inside.  I’ve seen you do this time after time.  You lose a piece of your soul everytime someone is stupid enough to call you out.  Johnny, don’t let them win!  You have a life at Lancer, with your family, with me……and with your child.  I’m pregnant Johnny, with your child.  Don’t let him or her grow up only hearing about you from my lips.  Please Johnny.  Don’t let all these idiots win.  You are and always will be Johnny Madrid, it seems they just won’t let you retire as you want.  But you are also Johnny Lancer and you have a life now, with me.  If they are all so stupid as to think a gunhawk such as Johnny Madrid is past his prime, ten years after coming home, that’s their mistake.  Don’t let it consume you anymore Johnny.  Please!”

Johnny’s sapphire eyes lifted to mine and as I saw the light flash thru them, he took my hands from his face and held them tightly.  

I saw Johnny swallow hard and he softly said, ” Pregnant?  With my child Katie?”

I slowly smiled and Johnny’s lips began to curl up in an answering smile.

” Yes Johnny.  Pregnant with your child.”

I felt Johnny pull me to his hard chest and then his lips began to kiss me all over.  I was laughing, because it was such a tickling feeling.

” Querida, I’ve waited and prayed for the past 6 years that we would be blessed with a child.”

Johnny held me tightly to his body and I felt a sudden tremor run thru Johnny’s body.  My eyes lifted to Scott and he was softly smiling.  He saw his younger brother finally get and accept that his past wasn’t what was important any longer.  It was his life as Johnny Lancer, rancher, husband and now a soon to be father.

I felt the sadness literally fly from Johnny’s body and I felt he was truly happy now.  After Johnny was done raining kisses over my face, he picked up the reins again and started the team again.

When we finally got to Lancer, Johnny swung down and reached for me.  He spun me in his arms and we both laughed long and loud.

Murdoch came out onto the porch, a perplexed look on his face.  

” What’s going on here boys?”

Johnny set me down on my feet and turned to his father.

“Oh Murdoch!  You are gonna be a grandpa!”

I smiled and saw the soft smile returned by Murdoch.  I heard Murdoch’s deep rumbly voice say, ” Congratulations John. Katie that’s wonderful news.  How are you feeling sweetheart?”

” I’m okay Murdoch.  I’m only a couple months along.”

Scott and Johnny began to unload the wagon, and Murdoch and I went into the house.  He sat me on the sofa and he said, ” Something happened in town, didn’t it Katie?”

I softly sighed and I felt my eyes lower to stare at the floor.

“Katie?”

I lifted my eyes and very softly said, ” A kid called Johnny out.”

” Damn!  When will they forget about Johnny Madrid! “

My eyes filled with sudden unshed tears and I said, ” It’s been 10 years Murdoch.  I guess Johnny’s reputation is stronger than we ever thought.  But what’s the limit on living legends?  Does he have to survive another 10 years before they all stop being stupid and come looking to make their own reputations on Johnny’s back?!”

Murdoch sat wearily on the edge of his desk and sighed heavily.

” I don’t know the answer to that honey.  I wish I knew even what to tell Johnny.”

” Murdoch, he loses a piece of his soul every time.  How long before he loses it all?!”

” I don’t know Katie.  We just have to be there for John as we’ve always done.  You and this baby will ground John even more to this life.  The best thing John did was to marry you.”

We smiled at each other and I said, ” Well, wanna know a little secret Murdoch?  I wasn’t about to let your son ever walk away from me.  I plain wanted that man and I made that my goal 6 years ago.”

Murdoch’s loud laugh filled the room.

” I think John let himself be caught.  I saw the way he looked at you every time you were nearby.  I knew you two would find a way.”

Scott and johnny came in a couple minutes later and Johnny saw the smiles and said, ” What’s up?”

” Oh nothing son, just talking about grandchildren and how this is a much needed breath of fresh air into a long 6 year wait.  I was afraid I’d never have any grandkids.”

Scott laughed and said, ” Well, Sir.  As Johnny is the one of us married, it fell to his shoulders for that honor.”

I saw the sparkle in Murdoch’s eyes as he said, ” Am I to understand Scott, that you are leaving  the future grand children to Johnny?”

Scott leaned against the mantle and said, ” Well, I don’t think that will be the case Sir.  As you know, I have been seeing a charming woman named Lucy and we are beginning to get serious.”

Johnny’s devilish grin suddenly warned Scott that Johnny was going to tease his big brother unmercifully.

” Brother, do you mean to say you are going to ask Lucy to be your wife?”

Scott grinned at his little brother and said,” That is exactly what I am saying Brother.”

Johnny got up from the arm of the sofa he perched on, walked up to his brother and slapped him on the shoulder.

” Well Scott, you got 6 years to catch up on, plus one child.”

Everyone laughed and I softly said “Johnny, stop teasing Scott.”

Johnny came back to the sofa and as he leaned over to gently kiss me, he quietly said, ” Scott knows I only tease him because  I love him.”

As the days turned to weeks and then months, I grew.  My swollen belly made housework a little bit on the difficult side, and I had to rest often during the day.

I was lying on the sofa one day, waiting for Johnny to come home for lunch.  I was being gently kissed and I felt a warm hand gently resting on my belly.

My eyes fluttered open and I was looking into a pair of intense blue eyes.

” You alright Querida? “

I smiled and sat up.

” I’m just tired Johnny.  I was just resting before you came home for lunch.”

Johnny softly smiled and helped me up to my feet.

” Maybe Sam should see you again.  Maybe he could do something about you being this tired all the time.”

I cupped Johnny’s cheek and his blue eyes softened.

“Sam already told us Johnny I would be tired now.  I’m fine Johnny. “

We walked into the kitchen, and Maria turned and put a huge  beef sandwich in front of Johnny.  She gave me a plate of fruit and some slices of homemade bread.  Johnny watched me and said, ” You look so tired honey.  I don’t want you doing too much today.”

Maria turned from the stove and said, ” I watch her Juanito.  She will be fine.”

Johnny stood up and kissed her cheek.

” Gracias Mamacita. “

Johnny turned and kissed my lips and said ” Listen to Maria.  I’ll be home by dinner.”

I walked with Johnny to the door.  I walked out onto the porch and Johnny again kissed me gently.  Then his large arm hand again caressed my belly.

” I’ll be up at the north fence line with Scott and the crew  if you need me honey.  Be home for dinner.”

I smiled as Johnny gracefully leaped into the saddle, without using the stirrup.  My insides jolted as I remembered that was one of the reasons I found Johnny Madrid Lancer so attractive.  Well, that plus the fact he was so handsome, those deep sapphire blue eyes and his muscular tight body.

I smiled to myself and felt a warm blush crawling up my cheeks.  Thank God Johnny had already turned to leave and didn’t see the very obvious hungry look as I thought of my very handsome husband’s gorgeous body and face.

After Johnny vanished over the hill, I walked back into the house.  I went into the Great Room and walked to the desk.  I picked up the picture of Johnny and me at our wedding.

I caressed his face and felt tears slipping down my cheeks.  Murdoch came in and stood there, watching me for a few minutes.

Softly, “Katie?”

I quickly put the picture down and wiped my eyes before I turned back around.

” I’m okay Murdoch.  Just remembering our wedding and how happy Johnny was. “

” We all were happy.  What’s wrong sweetheart?”

” Nothing really.  Just thinking.”

Murdoch came over to me and he gently caressed my cheek.

” Why don’t you rest.  You are a little flushed.”

I walked towards the sofa and before I got there, my legs just buckled.  Murdoch caught me before I hit the floor.  He picked me up in his arms and layed me on the sofa.  Then called for Maria.  She came in and Murdoch told her to send a ranch hand to get Sam and someone to get Johnny.  She bolted from the room and left the door open.

Murdoch went to the kitchen and came back with a bowl of cool water and a soft cloth.  He began to wipe my face and neck.  Tears were flowing fast and hot and I said ” Is Johnny coming? “

” He’ll be here soon.  Just relax sweetheart.”

Maria came back and took over for Murdoch and he went to the huge window behind his desk.  Soon, I heard horses galloping into the courtyard, and I heard a sigh of relief come from Murdoch.

The door slammed open, and Johnny and Scott came in.

” Katie!”

” She’s in here John.  Relax Son, there’s no bleeding and no pain.”

Johnny knelt on the floor by my side and took my hands in his.

” What happened honey?  Manuel told us you collapsed on the floor.”

” John, Katie was looking at your wedding picture.  She was a little flushed and I told her to rest for a bit.  She got 2 steps and then her legs buckled.  She’s been lying calm waiting for you and Sam.  John, there is no bleeding and she’s not in pain.”

Scott came up behind Johnny and gripped his shoulder.

” That’s good signs Brother. Sam will be able to tell us more.  She’ll be okay Johnny.”

Murdoch turned to Scott and I heard his deep voice ” Come on Scott, let’s leave them alone.  Johnny needs to see for himself she will be fine.”

They left and Johnny gently lifted my head up and got on the couch.  He put my head on his powerful thigh and gently caressed my face.  My eyes closed with that gentle touch.  Johnny’s warm hand layed gently on my belly.  Just that reassuring touch calmed Johnny and I was grateful.

He softly cooed words, so soft they were like a whisper, to calm me.  My heart stopped it’s frantic pounding and we talked softly.

Sam came a little later and he and I went to a bedroom.  After I redressed, Sam sat on a chair while I sat on the edge of the bed.

” Let me get John, he’ll need to hear this as well.  You relax and stay right there my dear.”

He got up and went out the door.  A few minutes later, Johnny was in the room, sitting by my side.

” Okay Sam, what’s wrong with Katie?  Is it the baby?  Something wrong with the baby Sam?”

Johnny was trying to rein in his growing panic, but it was becoming a losing battle.  Sam sat in the chair and rubbed his cheek.

” John, the baby is okay, Katie is okay.”

With those few words, I felt and saw Johnny relax.

” Then what happened?”

” Well Son, simply put, Katie is doing a bit too much.  She needs to be on complete bed rest.  She is not to do anything more, it’s too much of a strain.”

Johnny looked intently at Sam and his soft voice held a sudden quiver.

” What does this mean Sam?”

Sam leaned over and put his gnarled hand on Johnny’s knee and patted him.

” Relax John.  It means that for other than meals, which Katie will not help cook, she will be in bed or on the sofa.”

Johnny looked at me and smiled. He then turned mischievous sapphire eyes to Sam and said, ” I’d rather ride a wild horse Sam.  She’s worse than I am about staying down.”

Sam wasn’t going to bite this time and he sternly said, ” If you two kids want a healthy baby and for Katie to be okay, you will follow what I say.  I’m serious John, you above all will have to be very careful with Katie as well.  No, and I mean no, love making John.  You can hold her, but nothing more.  It will be easy for the baby to become stressed and decide to come early.”

I lowered my eyes and put my hand on Johnny’s arm.  I felt the tremor and I said, ” Johnny, it will be okay.  It’s not for a long time, only 3 weeks.”

Johnny turned to me and I felt his warm hand on my cheek, his thumb gently caressing my cheek.

” Only 3 weeks Querida?  It will seem like an eternity to not touch you.  But to ensure your health and our child’s, I’ll curb my desires for you.”

I leaned forward and my forehead touched Johnny’s.  I kissed his lips and said, ” It won’t be so bad Johnny.  Sam said you can hold me and I for one will make the most of that.”

Johnny suddenly smiled and I heard a soft sigh.

” Okay Querida, we can do this.  You get into bed and I’m going to talk to Murdoch and Scott.  I’ll  be back with lunch and I’ll eat up here with you.”

Johnny helped me to get into bed and then with a quick smile and kiss, he bolted out the door.  Sam began to put his instruments back in his black bag and I softly said, ” Is the baby really okay Sam?”

Sam smiled and his old eyes crinkled in laughter.

” Yes, the baby is fine my dear.  You just have done too much and your body needs to rest now.  3 weeks still go fast.  I know you do your needlework.  That will be a great time consumer.  I don’t want you cleaning or cooking Katie.  Just relax and let John and the others do for you.  Maria is capable of managing the household.  If she needs help, Murdoch will ask one of the wives on Lancer.  Don’t worry.  John will be fine too.”

I smiled and softly laughed.  Before he left, Sam gave me my embroidery and I began to stitch.  A bit later, Johnny came up with a tray loaded with food.  There were sandwiches and coffee for Johnny.  Maria had made some chicken soup and a bowl of berries and orange slices and a big glass of milk for me.

” Hope you are hungry honey?  Maria made a big bowl of soup and berries for you.  Sam wants you to eat good healthy food.”

As Johnny and I ate, side by side, we talked.  Johnny told me how the fence repairs were going and how Barranca stood in a stream and wouldn’t come when Johnny called him, and how he had to go in and get him.

I laughed and said, ” It was bound to happen Johnny.  You spoil that horse so much, I’m surprised it took him this long to rebel!”

Johnny smiled and I watched the lines by his eyes crinkle in his sudden joy.

” Barranca isn’t spoiled Querida! “

I put a berry in my mouth and said, ” Oh Johnny, how can you say that?!  He’s so spoiled I’m surprised you don’t bring him in the house during the summer storms.”

I saw the flicker of devilment flare up in his sapphire eyes and I waited for his next remark.  But Johnny leaned over and gave me a soft loving kiss and said, ” I suppose he is sort of spoiled.  But now I’m going to spoil you for the next 3 weeks.”

Smiling, I slid my fingers up to his long shaggy bangs, gently pushing them from those sapphire blue eyes I love to look into.

We sat next to each other on the bed for a few minutes longer, and then Johnny stood up.  He leaned over and kissed me softly.

” See you at dinner baby.”

He took the tray and left to go back to work at the fence line.  I got up from the bed and walked to the window.  Johnny looked up when he mounted Barranca and he said, ” Back in that bed Querida.”

I smiled and said, ” Okay I’m going.”

Johnny smiled and laughed as he turned Barranca to the archway.  I went to the soft chair and began to stitch again.  Sitting in front of the window, the cool air caressed my face.

I was napping when Johnny and Scott came home.  I was gently kissed until my eyes fluttered open.  I saw Johnny’s soft smile and he said, ” Ready for dinner.  Maria made your favorite…. Pot Roast. “

I smiled and put my arms around Johnny’s neck.  I slowly pulled his head back down and put my lips on his.  Johnny’s hands went to my face and he slowly deepened the kiss.

” Mmm, I’d rather have those kisses for supper Johnny. “

I saw the smile come to Johnny’s lips and he said, ” How about we save the kisses for dessert when we are alone up here. “

My smile matched Johnny’s and I said, “I just love your ideas Mr. Lancer.”

” I’m glad you do Mrs. Lancer, because I am going to give them to you at every chance for the next 3 weeks.”

I was helped up from the chair by Johnny and I washed and recombed my long hair.  When I turned around, I saw Johnny leaning against the headboard with a very decidedly lazy smile.

“What?”

His sapphire eyes softened and he deeply said, ” Just watching my sexy wife.”

I smiled at my equally sexy husband.  We went downstairs and as we went down the steps, Johnny held my hand to steady me a bit.  We got to Murdoch’s office and I slowly sat on the sofa.

Johnny got me a glass of water.  Soon we went to the dining room and had a wonderful meal.

” Maria, you outdid yourself.”

” Gracias Miz Katie.”

As she reached for my empty plate, she caressed my cheek softly.

” It must have been good, you had 2 big helpings Katie.”

I smiled and said, ” Eating for 2 my love.”

We all went into the Great Room where Johnny and I sat on the sofa.  I was lying down with my head lying on Johnny’s thigh.  My hand rested on Johnny’s  warm leg and I could feel  his gentle caresses to my face, and my belly.

When I yawned for the 10th time, Johnny said, ” Okay baby.  I think you need to head to bed.”

**** WARNING****

He helped me up and we said our good nights to everyone.  We went into our room and Johnny came up behind me.  He wrapped his arms around me and rested both hands on my belly.

Softly, Johnny whispered against my ear, ” Don’t wear your nightgown tonight.  I want to touch your skin all night.”

I leaned back against Johnny’s chest and closed my eyes.

” Mmm, really Johnny.  You don’t find me ugly, that maybe clothes should stay on?”

Johnny gently turned me to face him and lifted his hands to my cheeks.  As he held me still, his deep blue eyes locked on mine and he said, “I would never find you ugly Querida.  You glow every time I see you.  Because you are carrying my child.  You are not ugly and I love you so much Katie Madrid Lancer.”

I lifted my hands to Johnny’s face and softly said, ” I’m glad you said that Johnny.  It makes me feel better being so big and awkward.”

Johnny leaned over and gently kissed me and began to slowly take my dress off.  When my clothes were off, Johnny layed me on the bed and then took off his clothes.

My eyes sparkled with a sudden rush of desire at seeing my husband’s beautiful body.  Johnny got on the bed and leaned over me and gently with such loving touches, Johnny caressed my body.

My eyes slowly closed and I gave myself up to the touches he was sliding over me.  When a soft sigh slid from my lips, my eyes opened.  I saw Johnny’s eyes lock on mine and I heard Johnny’s soft voice say, “Surrender baby.  Let me feel your surrender.”

Softly, my voice quivering with desires begging to be released.

” Johnny, slow down baby.  I don’t want to explode.  I want to feel your touch all night long.”

I watched Johnny’s smile come to his lips and he softly said, “All night huh?  You won’t fall asleep on me will you Querida?”

I looked up into Johnny’s eyes and I reached for his hand.  Slowly, while my eyes locked on his, I moved his hand to the space between my legs that ached for his touch.

Gently and with slow caresses, Johnny’s fingers slowly drove me crazy.  I was panting softly and trembling.

” Honey, you okay? “

My lips were dry and my voice husky and deep as I said, ” God Johnny,  you are driving me crazy! “

Johnny’s lips caressed over my body and his fingers teased my skin.  Tiny goose bumps covered my body and I felt as tho I was truly gonna explode.

For the millionth time since Johnny and I married, my thoughts were that Johnny was so very good at arousal and lovemaking.  I knew we couldn’t make love, and I settled for Johnny’s caresses.

The more I got into Johnny’s caresses, the more I began to think that Johnny had this power over me.  His touches, his sapphire eyes and his smiles, all could make me weak inside.

Johnny scooped me up in his arms and held me to his body.  His soft cooing sounds filled my ears and his body gently trembled against mine.

That was another of Johnny’s wonderful traits I loved, he could get his pleasure by just holding me against his body, while my body had wave after wave of intense feelings travelling over me.

Johnny gently caressed my cheek and his soft voice, filled with his love and a hint of exhaustion said, ” Baby, was that what you needed?”

As I snuggled into Johnny’s warm embrace, I softly said, ” Mmm, yes Johnny.  I just couldn’t go one more day without your touch.”

Johnny moved to his back and pulled me even closer.  I layed my head on his chest and I felt the beating of his heart against my cheek.

Just before I drifted to sleep, I heard the soft rumbly purr in Johnny’s chest.  That also was a piece of his soul… a piece that I would cherish forever.

End

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