My Journey Back From Hell by Robyn B.

Word Count 4,413

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I don’t own Lancer or any of the characters from the TV show.  I am not making any monetary gain from this story.  I just take the boys out for a romp around the ranch every now and then.

This story has an NC17 rating for images some of the words may focus on, and some of the language used.  I apologize if this disturbs anyone, but you have been warned.

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I was sitting in a straight back chair, my hands tied in front of me and my body tied to the chair.

My face was swollen and bruised, and the tracks of my tears were still evident on my face.  I kept looking out the window of the room I was in, and my mind kept praying for Johnny to find me.

I felt fresh tears in my eyes and they slid down my cheeks, hot and wet.  The door behind me opened and I tensed, knowing it was David once again, to torture and hurt me, trying to break me.

As he came up behind me, he roughly grabbed my hair and pulled my head back.  I couldn’t swallow, my throat was pulled back so tight.  I felt a cold piece of metal, and I knew it was his knife.

He pressed it against my throat and I heard his growl.

” If you want to live one more day bitch, you’re gonna tell me where that safe is in that house.”

I softly spoke, my throat so stretched, my voice was nothing more than a whisper.

” It’s in Murdoch’s study, in a locked closet.”

I could hear David’s mind thinking and then he said, “Must be where he’s got all that money for the Cattleman’s Association that Wilson guy told me about.”

My mind whirled suddenly!  Buck Wilson! Johnny once told me he thought he was gonna try to get that money!  My eyes slid shut and I waited to feel the knife slice thru my skin, but he removed it and released my hair.

I coughed a few times and felt sure I’d have bruises on my neck soon.  I saw David now in front of me, he was dressed in dirty clothes, like he’d been sleeping outside a lot.  I also saw a look in his eyes that sent silent tremors up my spine.

His eyes had this haunted wild look, and just the way he began to rant, made me realize that he was close or had finally had a break from reality.

It was dark outside, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Johnny even if he was at the window. David caught me looking out the window and he turned and backhanded me.  I felt his strike to my face and felt the sting, and tried to look away.

He reached over, grabbed my chin and forcibly lifted my chin to look at him.

” You looking for Madrid?!  He ain’t gonna find you.  I made sure of covering my tracks!”

I felt more blood in my mouth from the new cut on my lips and my eyes closed again.

‘ Please Johnny, help me!’

I knew Johnny’s tracking skills were the best, and even his ability to hide from anyone following him, especially when he didn’t want to be found.  

I’ve been missing from the ranch for about a week, and I knew Johnny, maybe even Scott and Murdoch, would be coming to save me very soon.

I just have to keep it together until they find me.  I was so hungry and thirsty, I was surprised I was able to function on any level.  I’d asked David for water a few times, and that had earned me my first slap.  I didn’t know how much longer I could go without water.

I was sore and tired from being in the chair for so long.  My hands were numb from being tied so tightly.  I didn’t see the two sapphire eyes at the window watching me.  Nor did I see the pair of blue grey eyes next to him.

My head lowered to my chest a little and my eyes closed.  It became harder for me to lift my head or even open my eyes.  I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to hang on.

I was no longer focusing on David’s voice or his rantings.  I wasn’t even aware of the door busting open or the quick gun fire, and then silence.

I felt my hands being untied and then the rope around my body was removed.  I felt strong hands, gently shaking me and a voice filled with worry and concern, begging me to open my eyes.

I couldn’t do anything and the arms wrapped around me and carried me out of the room.  I remember being lifted into a wagon and again those strong warm arms wrapped around me.  I could hear the voice, softly begging me to please open my eyes, to give him a sign that I was okay.

I could feel the movement of the wagon, and still those arms remained around me, holding me and gently caressing me.  I was still unconscious, but I felt cool cloths against my swollen face.  I thought on a few occasions that I had been lifted up and I could remember water being given to me.

One day, as I was lying on something soft, I assumed it was a bed, I felt a warmth across my face.  It felt warm and comforting, and my head started to move against the pillows.

My voice, soft and very raspy said, “Sun.”

 I immediately heard a voice, deep and soft, laced with love and concern, quietly saying, “Come back to me baby.  Lee come on baby, open your eyes.  Let me see your eyes honey.”

I felt a soft caress on my cheek, and then fingers gently pushing  my hair from my face.  My eyelashes fluttered and very slowly they opened.  I saw sapphire eyes looking at me, along with a soft smile.

My eyes blinked a few times fast, as I tried to focus.  I felt his touch on my cheek.  As I looked at his eyes and heard his soft voice, my quiet voice said, “Johnny?  Where am I?”

” You’re home baby.  You’re in our room.  Sam was here and he fixed all your injuries.  You’re safe baby.”

I saw his soft smile and then lifted to see his beautiful eyes.

“Home?  I’m home?”

Johnny got on the bed, leaned against the headboard and gathered me into his embrace.

” Yea, you’re home and I won’t never let you go again.”

I felt the heat from his body as I laid next to him.  Slowly, I moved my body till I was lying on Johnny’s chest, my arm went around his waist.  Johnny’s arms went around me and he caressed me gently.

I could feel his hands caressing my arms and my hands, and even as his lips kissed my head.  My hands slowly ran down his side.

As my eyes began to close, I heard Johnny’s soft voice, “Go ahead and sleep Lee, I won’t leave you alone.”

A soft smile fell to my lips as my eyes slid shut.  The next time my eyes opened, I saw I was still in Johnny’s arms and he had his head leaning back against the headboard, and he was asleep.

I heard the door gently open, and Scott’s blonde head peeked in.  He saw me awake and I saw his smile.

Softly he said, ” Just checking.  You hungry Lee?”

” Thirsty Scott. “

He came in and reached for a glass of water and helped me to drink some.  My movements jarred Johnny awake.  He saw Scott and rubbed his eyes.

” Morning  Boston. “

He looked down and saw I was awake. He pulled me up to his chest and I felt his lips caressing mine and he softly said, “Hey Lee honey.  You feeling better?”

” Yes, I just want to stay in your arms Johnny. “

He smiled and said, ” I’m not going anywhere honey. “

I snuggled closer to Johnny’s body and his hands went into my hair.  Scott stood up and he said, ” I’ll go get you guys some breakfast. “

Johnny thanked Scott.  After Scott had left, Johnny softly and gently lifted my head and quietly said, “Honey, we have to talk.  I need to know if he, did he, umm….?”

Johnny’s eyes lowered and as he sat up, I did too.  My hand went to his leg and when he didn’t look at me, I lifted it to his chin and gently forced him to look at me.  I locked my eyes on his and I saw the pain and hurt in the sapphire depths.

Looking at him, my voice, while soft and quiet, was none the less, strong.

” Johnny, he only hit me and kept me tied up.  I think he wanted to keep me that way, so he didn’t rape me.”

I could see the relief in Johnny’s eyes and the soft exhale of the breathe he had been holding.

” Wish I could have found you faster honey.  Would have saved you so much pain.”

I caressed his cheek and leaned up to capture his lips with mine.

” Is Sam coming Johnny?”

” He should be here later today.  In the meantime, I want you to stay in bed and relax.”

My hazel eyes suddenly sparkled and I said, ” Can I get you to stay here with me Johnny?”

Johnny smiled, slowly and dangerously, ” Need you to rest Lee, not gonna get any rest if I’m here.”

” I’ll chance that. I just want to feel you next to me.  I’ll be good Johnny, I’ll eat and drink and I will rest. I just want you here.  Please!”

He smiled and leaned over, his arms wrapping tightly around me and he softly said, ” I can’t ever say no to you, can I honey?”

I smiled and said, ” No, that’s because you are under my spell Johnny.”

He looked at me, and for one fleeting second, he couldn’t tell if I was serious or not.  He just kissed my lips and said, ” Well, I don’t mind being under a spell, if it’s one of yours’ honey. “

We both laughed gently.

About that time, Scott came in with a tray of food and Murdoch was behind him with a tray of coffee, tea, milk, water and juice.

” Man Murdoch!  It will take her a month to eat all of that! “

” Well, I’m sure you and Scott will help her Johnny. “

Murdoch looked closer at me and in the light of day, my injuries looked a lot worse.” You alright Lee?”

” I’m fine Murdoch, now that I’m home.  Johnny said Sam will be here soon, and I’m sure he will check me thoroughly. “

He shook his head and said, ” John, if you want to stay with Lee, that’s okay.  Scott and the hands can handle things today.”

” Thanks Murdoch.”

After Scott and Murdoch finished their coffee, they left, shutting the door quietly behind them.  Johnny drank his coffee and ate some eggs and bacon, and watched as I ate and drank my tea.

I didn’t finish it all, and Johnny said, ” It will be okay.”

” I’ll get my appetite back slowly.”

He made me get back in bed, until Sam came, and I looked up at him.  He smiled and said, ” Slide over a little.”

I did and he leaned up against the headboard.  He reached over and he pulled me to his chest, his arms sliding around me.  My head went and laid on his chest, my hand lying gently on his belly.

Johnny’s left hand went up into my hair and he gently caressed it.  My right hand, the one lying on his belly, slowly slid up to the top of his shirt, and my fingers began to unbutton his shirt.

I got 3 buttons undone and I slowly slid my hand into the shirt  and gently caressed his chest.  My fingertips slowly caressed his nipples and twisted gently in the hair on his chest.

I could see the soft smile on Johnny’s face as his eyes began to lower.

” Hmm, that does feel nice Lee, but you better stop, at least until after Sam leaves.”

I smiled, and moved my touch from his nipples, but my fingers stayed in the nest of black hair on his chest.  We laid in each other’s arms and my eyes were closing.

I was almost asleep and there was a knock on the door.  Johnny said to come in and I lifted my eyes and saw Sam.

” Well, afternoon you two.  I’m at least glad to see you lying down Lee.”

He and Johnny exchanged conspirator’s glances and Johnny got up from the bed.  Sam pulled a chair over to the bed and pulled his stethoscope from his bag.

” Lee, put your legs over the side of the bed for me sweetie.”

He listened to my heart, checked my eyes and tended to the cuts and bruises on my face.

” Any place else Lee?  He didn’t hurt you anywhere, did he?”

” No, was mostly in the chair tied up.  I know my face is swollen and I have a few cuts on my lips.  Johnny gave me water after they got me out.”

” Good, keep drinking and eating.  You’ll need to get your energy again, so you need to rest as much as you can”

I lowered my head and quietly said, ” Don’t feel like eating much, but I am drinking a lot.”

Sam rubbed his chin and said, ” Well, considering that bastard kept you tied up, no food and no water for 5 days, you are doing remarkably well Lee.  I’m sure Johnny will take good care if you.”

Johnny blushed and lowered his eyes.

” Johnny, just keep doing what you are doing, make sure she eats when she can, rests when she can.  I’m sure with time, you’ll be your old self Lee. “

Sam stood and pushed the chair back and as he turned to leave, Johnny said, ” I’ll walk you down Sam.”

Turning to me he said, ” I’ll be back in a minute Lee.  Get back in that bed.”

They left and as the door closed, I heard Johnny say to Sam,  

“Sam is there anything to watch for.  She seems to be a little more unsure of herself, and I know that’s not her.  I think he did do something to her and she is trying to spare me.  Can we come to your office in a couple days, and you can give her a better exam?”

Sam put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder and said, ” Sure Johnny, bring her into the office in a couple days.  I just think she needs to be in your arms more than normal.  I don’t think it’s

anything to worry about.”

Johnny thanked Sam and came back in the bedroom, and smiled when he saw me in the bed, sleeping soundly.

Johnny was just going to turn and something caught his eye.  My hand was wrapped around the butt of his colt, and it was pulled close to my chest.

He came to the side of the bed and gently pried it out of my hand.  He put it back in the holster and put the gun belt on the dresser across from the bed.  He stood a few minutes by the dresser, looking at me.  His eyes furrowed together and he got an almost scared look on his face.

Softly, under his breath, he said, to himself, ‘ What did that bastard really do to you Querida? ‘

Johnny was gonna go downstairs and before he got to the door, he turned and went to pick up his gun belt and take it with him.  He went down to Murdoch’s study and poured a large glass of tequila and threw it back.  He slowly closed his eyes and then had another one.  He pounded that one also and then put the glass back on the table.

Johnny went to sit in one of the over stuffed chairs next to Murdoch’s desk.  He leaned forward and ran his hands thru his dark shaggy hair, and then rubbed his eyes.

He was still leaning forward when Scott and Murdoch came back for dinner.  One look at Johnny, and Murdoch said, very softly, ” John, is something wrong?”

Johnny was quiet for awhile and Scott walked over and sat in a chair by Johnny and touched his shoulder.

” Johnny?”

He sat up and leaned back and said, ” I think that bastard did something to Lee, and she’s either blocked it or just won’t talk about it.”

Murdoch sat next to Scott on the couch and said, “What makes you think that John?”

Johnny lifted his eyes, and there was a look of pain in the blue depths as he said, ” I went to talk to Sam in the hall after he was done with Lee.  When I went back in, she was already asleep in the bed.”

He stopped and Scott said, ” Well, she’s just catching up on her

rest Johnny.”

Johnny turned his pain filled eyes to Scott and he said,

” Scott, she was asleep and had my colt in her hands.”

Murdoch signed and Scott said, ” Wow.”

Johnny looked at them and said, ” He did something to her I just know it.”

Scott held Johnny’s shoulder tighter and said, ” Johnny, relax.  You lose it and she’s gonna be helpless to fight this.  Have Sam do a better examination in a few days, maybe she will open up to Sam.”

” Maybe.”

Scott got up and walked over to the bar, he had just put his hand on the decanter of whiskey, and there was an earth shattering scream.

Johnny was on his feet in a flash, racing up the stairs and throwing the door open.  He found me in a corner by the dresser, on the floor shaking and with eyes so wide and filled with fear that Johnny froze.

Gently, he spoke to me.

” Lee, honey, it’s Johnny.  Baby, it’s okay.  Nothing will hurt you now that I’m here.  Let me come to you baby.  I need to put my arms around you.”

My wild eyes looked at Johnny, and I watched him as he slowly came to me.  He knelt in front of me and slowly reached out to me.

” Honey, it’s Johnny.  I want to pick you up off the floor and put you back in bed.  Okay?”

I looked at him and I quietly said, ” Don’t let him hurt me Johnny.”

As Johnny’s arms gently wrapped around me, and he helped me stand up, he said, ”  No one will hurt you, I’ll be here to stop him.”

I relaxed a little in Johnny’s embrace.  He sat me on the bed, sitting next to me, not taking his arms from around me.  Johnny lifted his eyes and they were filled with such pain, Murdoch’s heart broke for his son.

” Murdoch what do I do to help her?  He did something to her, can’t ask her and he’s gone.  What do I do, I can’t lose her, I can’t!”

Scott looked at Johnny sitting with me in his embrace and he could see the trembling in Johnny’s body.

” You aren’t gonna lose her Brother.  I’ll send for Sam again.  Just stay with her, keep her in your arms, that seems to calm her.”

Scott and Murdoch left the room, and Johnny rocked me in his arms, caressing my face and my hair saying quietly ” Oh baby, please tell me what he did to you.  I need to know so I can find a way to help you.  You’re safe Lee, he won’t hurt you ever again.  I promise, he’s gone Lee.”

Johnny lowered his cheek to my head and slowly, hot wet tears gently fell from his eyes.  He slowly slid back on the bed, never taking his arms from around me.

I laid my head on Johnny’s chest. Johnny softly spoke to me, soft Spanish words that seemed to relax me enough that my eyes slowly closed.  The shaking inside of me slowly stopped.

Johnny put his head against the headboard and said, ” Wish now I hadn’t killed him, because I could do it slowly now, until he told me what he did to you.”

Johnny closed his eyes and waited for Sam to come back to the ranch.  I moved in Johnny’s arms, and he instantly woke up.

” Lee, you okay baby?  I’m here.”

” Johnny.”

My voice sounded so soft and so pain filled.

” Is he really gone?  He really won’t hurt me again? “

” No Lee, he’s gone.  Can you tell me what he did to you honey?  I can’t help you if I don’t know what he did.”

I moved in Johnny’s arms so I could look into Johnny’s eyes.  I saw pain and hurt in his sapphire eyes.  I slowly reached my hand up to his face, and I gently pushed his long shaggy bangs from his face.  My hand stayed on his cheek and I felt my eyes filling with tears.

My eyes closed as I felt the tears on my cheeks and I softly said, ” Johnny, you will hate me.  I couldn’t fight him off, I had no energy left.  I felt humiliated , so hurt.  You would never forgive me!”

Johnny sat up and wiped the tears from my eyes.

” Oh Lee, is that really what you think?  That I could turn from me for something done to you against your will. “

I looked into his eyes, and I saw a love shining thru his pain of not knowing how to help me.

” You won’t hate me when you know Johnny?”

He smiled and softly kissed my lips.

” Never Lee, I love you too much and have spent my whole life looking for someone like you, to ever turn from you.  I just want to help you to get over it.  But I need to know.”

My eyes lifted to his and they locked on Johnny’s eyes.  I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, and then began to tell him what David had done to me.

As I told Johnny how he had abused my body, telling me over and over that once my wealthy rancher husband knew I’d been with him, that he’d throw me out.

The longer I told Johnny of everything he did, I saw the pain flare up in his deep blue gaze.

As I slowly stopped, I saw Johnny’s eyes close.  My eyes were spilling my tears from the moment I began to talk.

I swallowed and quietly said, ” Johnny?”

He slowly opened his eyes and he looked at me and he gently wrapped his arms around me and he held me to his chest.  I felt the tremors running thru his body and as Johnny gently caressed my hair, my eyes closed.

I laid my head on his chest and I heard the beat of his heart.

” Now, I know what he did, we can have Sam check to see if you are okay.  I want to be sure you are.  Sam will have to know honey.  I’ll be here for you, I’ll hold you and comfort you when you have nightmares.  I’ll do everything I can Lee, just don’t leave me.  I wouldn’t be able to survive if you were lost to me.”

I softly sighed and my eyes closed and I was, once again, content.  I had my love for Johnny and I knew his love for me would never waiver.

Soon I would heal, and eventually my nightmares would cease.  Johnny sat me up and he gently wiped the remnants of my tears. He gently took my dress off, making sure not to make sudden moves that would startle me.  He pulled one of my lace negligees out of the dresser and slid it onto my body.

Johnny brushed my long blonde hair and gently pushed me back onto the pillows.  Then he began to take his clothes off.  My eyes closed and Johnny softly said, ” Lee, look at me honey.  It’s me, not him.  See me Lee.  I’m here for you Lee.”

My eyes slowly opened and I saw Johnny’s body in front of me.  Before he put on his night shirt, my hand reached out to touch him.

I could tell Johnny was holding his breath, so afraid that something would happen and I would freak.  As my hand touched his chest, my eyes got dark.  I ran my fingers slowly over his chest and gently caressed his nipple.

I felt it harden instantly, and Johnny softly said, ” Lee, you okay baby?”

I lifted my eyes and as a soft smile caressed my lips, I said ” I think I’m okay Johnny.  Just hold me.”

He went, again, to put the night shirt on and I quietly said,    “No, don’t put it on.”

He gently laid me on my back on the side of the bed,  and then Johnny laid next to me, his arms going around me, pulling me to his warm chest.

My face laid against the dark hair on his chest and my eyes closed.  I was slowly relaxing.  I smelled Johnny’s scent and my smiled returned to my lips.  Sandalwood and leather.

Finally, my journey back to Johnny was done.  I was home.

End

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